I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
