I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i think my mom watched the whole time
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
