Im at strip club and am horny
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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