i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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