i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
