Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You are a genius and a whore.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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