I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
