he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize