butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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