Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I have fence marks all over my body
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
