smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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