At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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