guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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