If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize