During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
