I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
