Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
