I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
