wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
