he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
