before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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