Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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