Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
