Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i drank out of a bidet.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
