Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I faked an abortion last night.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
