i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
