chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
