I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
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