Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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