and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she pinky promised me she was 18
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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