I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
