i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
