Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
