it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
