just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
