WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My hand turned me down
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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