Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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