I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
