bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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