ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
