i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
