If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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