Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
