Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
