there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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