I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize