I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize