I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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