Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
