these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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