We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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