Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
