Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
