Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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