i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He passed out mid-signature
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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