I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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