Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize