I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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