I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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