Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
