How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
don't judge my taste in strippers
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
