Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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