Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize