My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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