I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
