Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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