he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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