I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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