Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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