I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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