I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
