after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
