How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize