a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
