ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
