My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
