I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
